FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
