Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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