Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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