Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
