he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There r osticjed everywhere
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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