Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
