Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
