Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
