I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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