she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
