im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
