we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
