Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
