Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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