I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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