I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
