am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
