I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
