guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
