ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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