Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
