when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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