If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize