After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're too hungover to prance.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
