All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
