i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize