Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
