she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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