ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
