Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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