I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
