i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
