My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
