You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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