Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
