I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
