My room smells like vodka and shame
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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