I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
