i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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