I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
