ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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