I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
