its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
