I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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