i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
