Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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