dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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