please come you make the beer taste better
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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