Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
