And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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