He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have post one night stand depression
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