I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
