we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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