Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
