the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
