I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize