i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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