Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
