I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
