a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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