i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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