did you get engaged???
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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