So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
