Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
this hospital has no fireball
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
