He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
