Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
