I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
