This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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