I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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