It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
