I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize