I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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