My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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