trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
