I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
