I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize