I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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